Wednesday, August 27, 2003

 
so, this is going to be another music post, basically... there will be three songs. every one is by the awesome band called matchbook romance (you all should check them out if youve never heard of them..) all of them are for different people and have different meanings.

song #1: this is all for david.. because i trusted him.. and it was really stupid to do it.

the greatest fall of all time
the hand of my clock strikes 2
in times when i got the best of you
we made promises we couldnt keep
and everynight we couldnt sleep..
i didnt know why, but didnt ask questions..
because it was the first time in my life
yeh, the first time in my life
where i did something right..
i set myself up for the greatest fall of all time..
you pick me apart
while i search for witty things to say in my defense
'youll never amount to anything anyway'
dont press your luck..
and think that im impressed with your one night stands
and your contagious kiss..
im trying to get this right
cause im ridiculous like that..
i set myself up for the greatest fall of all time..
ill keep this as a constant reminder..
of the nights i spent holding onto [him]
and rest assured im moving on..
i miss you less with each day youre gone..



song #2: this is all for nick... i HATE missing him like this, i really do.. its driving me nuts. but i miss him.. =/

"farewell to friends"
a picture's worth a thousand words
but not worth the words i need to hear..
i miss you so much that it hurts..
and tonight i wish you were here with me
so i could make you see the stars..
they lay across the sky so perfectly
they remind me of
all the times when we used to sit underneath
on those summer nights
and fall in love..
its not alright, its our last night together
i wont give up..
i cant let go of you..
i cant let go of you..
and tonight i close my eyes and dream that [he]
is still the one laying there beside me..
id walk a thousand miles..
id swim across the sea..
what do i have to do?
please just tell me..



song #3: this is for jay... grrrr he really hurt me a couple weeks ago, telling me i was "too fucked up to handle the truth all the time" and shit.. and it was just horrible... thats not exactly the thing i needed to hear right then...

"save yourself"
these words fall from your mouth
and stab me in the back..
it should have never come to this..
its too late for your apologies..
they cant bring back all that youve taken from me..
stripped of my pride and left for dead..
this time is the last time i take this abuse..
ive found my place, and this place is far away from you..
how can you say that im at fault
the one to blame is you..
stripped of my pride and left for dead..
im so tired of apologizing to myself for you
and what youve done to me..
and ive tried to forgive myself for caring about you..
theres nothing i can do
this time is the last time i take this abuse..
ive found my place and this place is far away from you..
posted by Jenninator 9:17 PM

Sunday, August 24, 2003

 
im sooooo sick of all of this.. its not really worth it sometimes. its just so weird too.. because i havent thought about killing myself in a long time (its been a few months.. that really is a long time for me), but i still dont believe that life is worth it. there are few things that make me get up in the mornings : jo, tina, my sister, & my parents. okay... so... uhhmm.. me & nick... long story dont want to talk about what happened all that needs to be said is that we're not together anymore. why do things always turn out like this? i trusted nick for such a long time, i love him, id do anything for him, and yet i always get screwed with... boy i must have been one hell of an asshole in my past lives because i dont recall ever doing anything to deserve this shit.. *sigh* jo just asked me if im honestly considering taking him back.. and i want to tell her the truth (which is yes), but i dont want to because i dont want to have to explain it.. i mean, i know she'd understand it.. but right now im so on the verge of tears that explaining it would just make me cry. i miss him sooooo much.. he hasnt talked to me.. and that hurts like fucking hell because right now i need someone to be there for me.. i mean, jo's there, but its different.. she may love be, but shes not IN love with me.. and i know it sounds pathetic but right now i really do need someone to be in love with me.. i need someone to actually WANT me.. because i feel like im the least wanted person in the world right now. i just miss him so much.. hO: i know how much you feel for this guy. i know how much it meant to you to have someone be sappy & romantic like that with you. those sorts of things make you feel special & important. i was thrilled that he gave you those things becuz you deserve to have that... hO: really, it's one of your down falls that worries me...you are quick & eager to love someone & have them love you back. (i guess that's why you & i get along so well, is becuz even tho i try to deny it, i'm the same way. not only that, its becuz you & i developed that type of bestfriend/loving relationship relatively fast). it just sets up the heart for major heartache when the floor is pulled out from under so to speak thats exactly what jo just said to me on yahoo... blah shes so... so... RIGHT. im always in such a need for acceptance and affection and love that i trust too willingly, even though i dont want to.. my mind is telling me to be careful, but my heart doesnt want to listen.. i hate this! i mean.. i know that i have lots of qualities that turn people off - im fucked up, im ugly, im weird, im open minded, im stubborn.. but i didnt know i was THAT fucked up, or ugly, or weird.. or that i was THAT offensive to people.. i just really miss him. i wish i could understand why i miss him so much, and why im still in love with him.... but i cant. =/
posted by Jenninator 11:59 PM