|
 Sunday, March 28, 2004
so, let us all say BYEBYE to my blogspot now.... i am officially moving on to xanga.. want to keep up with my life? visit me there.
posted by Jenninator 8:33 PM
Monday, March 22, 2004
posted by Jenninator 2:39 PM
i was going to start writing something, and then i forgot what it was. lol.. man, im so special, arent i?
so its the first official day of my spring break, and im already bored outta my mind. i havent done anything at all today (well anything productive, that is.).. its great!!! and tomorrow morning/afternoon tina & i are gonna go see "starsky & hutch" cuz we are SUCH losers. hahaahahaha.. and then tuesday night, after i have dinner with my mom, heathers gonna come spend the night and then we're gonna get up and go shopping! wooooo!! we're gonna go to oakridge, near where nick lives, because thats the only fucken mall around here that has both an old navy AND a torrid. those yuppie white bastards. lol so yeh.. i work next weekend too. =P
so this weekend was a kool one. friday night i went over to chris' as usual.. we went and saw "eurotrip". HILARIOUS! man, i recommend it to just about everyone.. it was great. and it had an awesome "seriousness" to it, i guess. it was a good movie overall though.
then on saturday, TINA BO BINA'S BERFDAY!!!!, chris, jo, tina & i went and saw "dawn of the dead"... eeeeep! scary zombies that run and put their heads through FUCKEN DOORS!! grrrr... lol it was great.
okay i think im off for now. lots of love.
posted by Jenninator 2:39 PM
Monday, March 15, 2004
GODDAMMIT I WANT IT TO COME OUT NOW!!!!
posted by Jenninator 8:54 PM
Thursday, March 11, 2004
HEY EVERYONE!!! HELP BRING AN END TO THE FCC'S INFRINGMENT OF FREE SPEECH!!! GO TO THIS SITE AND SIGN THE PETITION!! theyre trying to get 1 million signatures, so send it out to all the people you know!
http://www.stopfcc.com
posted by Jenninator 6:10 PM
im going back to taking tons of quizzes!!! wooooo quizzes!!! lol
Heart of Glass
What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a moon shadow. With the moon as your source
you are a being of great mystery. Constantly
drifting, you descend into darkness to conceal
your brokenness. You have come to believe that
you are the only one you can rely upon for
constancy and safety that you need. But those
who know how to see you find enchanting beauty
in your wistfulness and fragility. It is to
them that you should flee, for their arms are
an open haven where your true light can finally
thrive..(please rate my quiz cuz it took me for
freaking ever to create)
What Kind of Shadow Are You? (with gorgeous pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
haha aint that one a bitch? ahhh, the truth sucks. =P
You are the grammar Fuhrer. All bow to your
authority. You will crush all the inferior
people under the soles of your jackboots, and
any who question your motives will be
eliminated. Your punishment is being the bane
of every other person's existence, because
you're constantly contradicting stupidity.
Everyone will be gunning for you. Your dreams
of a master race of spellers and grammarians
frighten the masses. You must always watch your
back. If only your power could be used for good
instead of evil.
What is your grammar aptitude?
brought to you by Quizilla
uhhmm.. thats kinda scary... lol
A Loud Guitar Solo: You are the wild one! Loud
noises and chaotic scenes are in your
preference. You have a sense of adventure that
is truly yours alone. Whether your at a concert
or at home enjoying a thunderstorm, you are
bold and beautiful! Rock On!
What Sound Are You?(now w/ pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
posted by Jenninator 3:29 PM
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
so, ive been busy lately. lots of school work to do, and lots of absolute insanity going on. =)
uhhhmm... so im not talking to jon anymore, on an unspoken mutual agreement, if one wants to call it that. thats okay though, ive gotten to the point where i dont care, and im finally realizing how much better off i am without him. all he did was hurt me, and im sure i hurt him (though, until the other night, i never said anything to intentionally hurt him). ive been less stressed since all of that went down. thank gawd.
on a happier note, JAMIES COMING TO VISIT IN A COUPLE WEEEEKKKSSS!!!! man, im probably as excited as tina is, and i dont even get sex out of his visit! lol he's coming up here on the 29th, and leaving april 2nd, apparently, so he's basically going to be here for all of tina's spring break. my break is the week before that. =P so i have the 20th (saturday) thru the 28th off... and THEN the following week, on the 29th, my AIS prof is cancelling class so i only have class from 9 to 12 that monday because my physics lab is also cancelled due to the cesar chavez day holiday on wednesday. so i dont have school on wednesday the 31st either, because of cesar chavez day. and then on the 1st is the STORY OF THE YEAR CONCERT!!! ahhh... sexiness.... =) and then i have a normal 8-12 school day on friday. teehee!
on an even HAPPIER note, chris & i have been doing quite well. i got my ring today. =) i picked it up when tina and i went to the mall.. good times. =P and this saturday, chris' friend kyle is going to go on a double date with us.. WITH JO! muahahahaha... he (kyle) is from el paso also, and they knew each other when they were living back there. and kyle is going to the culinary academy too, so WOOHOO! we're gonna go see the new johnny depp movie "secret window" *drools* and then have dinner or something. fun, eh? =) im really excited!!!! heheh
okay, i think thats enough for now. imuna go take a shower and prepare for another warm day in the bay area tomorrow. =) *chyah for hot weather!* gawd i never thought id say that. lol nite all
posted by Jenninator 8:28 PM
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
just another grand day in paradise.... i guess my friendship with jon is finally, truly over.. i know, some of the things i said were cruel, but for once in my life i stood up against him, and it only ended in destroying our friendship. fuck it. i give up. i never meant a goddamned thing to him, so im just going to erase him from my memory.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:18:07 PM): ...hey...
slimzworld (10:18:59 PM): hey.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:19:07 PM): .....still hate me?
slimzworld (10:19:29 PM): iono
slimzworld (10:19:32 PM): waht you want ?
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:19:46 PM): ....i just wanted to say hi. :-\ im sorry.
slimzworld (10:20:11 PM): go say hi to your bf.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:20:19 PM): *sigh*
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:20:29 PM): why does it always have to be like this with you? why is it always all or nothing?
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:23:09 PM): you know, maybe youre right for hating me. maybe im just completely unworthy of your time. i probably always have been.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:23:49 PM): so if its going to be this way, and you dont want to speak to me ever again, then just say it. because ive spent the last 2 nights crying and worrying that youre going to hate me for the rest of our lives. so if its going to be that way, im probably just some crazy bitch that deserves it.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:25:20 PM): so tell me now. if you dont want to ever speak to me again, then fine. at least have the decency to tell me, so i can try to get over it.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:26:52 PM): im assuming that means you dont want to speak to me ever again.'
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:26:56 PM): thanks for being able to tell me.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:27:07 PM): *sigh* if this is the way its going to be...
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:27:11 PM): then have a nice life, jon.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:27:28 PM): i hope you dont encounter anymore fucked up, horrible people like me to ruin your life.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:31:27 PM): you know, before i go, i want to say something. i cant believe that after all this time, you still think this is all MY fault. i admit, yes, i did and said some stupid things over the years. but DAMN, jon, im not the only asshole in this relationship. you've made me cry & broken my heart more times than i can count, and yet this is all MY fault? how does that work out? you've never once told me how you felt, so i never know whats going on. and even now, you dont have the decency or consideration to even just flat out tell me you dont ever want to speak to me again. what kind of "friend" is that? and you accuse ME of not caring about YOU? ive TRIED to save our relationship (if i recall correctly, when you broke up with me, i practically begged you not to leave.) and our friendship, and you just wont have it, will you? you cant accept the fact that i love you to death and i do care about you, but i dont want to be with you. how is that fair? ive done nothing but try to stay civil with you and have a normal friendship with you, and because you cant handle the fact that im in love with someone else because i FINALLY got over loving you for so many years, youre throwing it all away. thank you SO much, jon, for proving to me that people are just worthless, and that i mean nothing to them. i hope youre happy. youve succeeded in doing what youve always wanted to do - break my heart.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:33:30 PM): so fuck it. i guess this never meant a goddamned thing to you. im glad youre leaving, because i know you never gave a shit about me. its better this way.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:36:32 PM): i cant believe you. you dont even have the balls, nor the decency, to tell me that you want me out of your life? i cant believe i ever wasted this many years on you. loving you was the biggest mistake ive ever made.
slimzworld (10:37:56 PM): loving you was the biggest mistake ive ever made.
slimzworld (10:38:00 PM): FUCK YOU
slimzworld (10:38:13 PM): you're gonna sit here and tell me that shit?
slimzworld (10:38:15 PM): fuck you.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:38:25 PM): and you think you have the right to break my heart and hate me for something that ISNT MY FAULT?
slimzworld (10:38:32 PM): why the hell did i even bother giving you the chance to hurt me if you're sitting here talking to me and disrespecting me like that.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:38:45 PM): its not my fault that you couldnt even tell me why you got so upset that i didnt want to sleep with you & that i was in love with someone else
slimzworld (10:38:49 PM): go fuck your bf and spend the rest of your life with him.
slimzworld is away at 10:39:10 PM.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:39:12 PM): at least i have someone that wants to spend the rest of their life with me.
Auto response from slimzworld (10:39:12 PM): drinkin.
slimzworld (10:39:35 PM): thanks for throwin that in my face that you dont give a damn bout me.
slimzworld returned at 10:39:35 PM.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:39:44 PM): you dont care about me!
slimzworld (10:39:54 PM): wtf?
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:40:00 PM): i spent over 2 hours and the last i dont know how many years trying to convince you i cared about you
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:40:02 PM): and you never accepted it
slimzworld (10:40:04 PM): you have no idea or right to say what i car about
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:40:13 PM): well youve never told me you cared about me
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:40:15 PM): so i assume you dont.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:40:28 PM): ive told you time & time again that i care about you, but you just dont want to believe it.
slimzworld (10:40:33 PM): WHAT THE FUCK DID I TELL YOU LAST NIGHT.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:40:47 PM): you told me to drive 8 hours to go "be with" you.
slimzworld (10:40:48 PM): leave me the hell alone.
slimzworld (10:40:51 PM): i dont wnt to talk to you
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:40:53 PM): you never said ANYTHING about caring about me.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:41:51 PM): all you do is fuck with my head and break my heart. you are the only person thats ever hurt me so badly i hurt myself, and yet IM the bad guy? im the one who's doing everything wrong?
slimzworld (10:42:04 PM): omg. youre the one who said you didnt care
slimzworld (10:42:07 PM): who 'has someone'
slimzworld (10:42:10 PM): who fucked with me
slimzworld (10:42:15 PM): and fuckin hurt the shit outta me
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:42:20 PM): and you havent done the same to me?
slimzworld (10:42:21 PM): so go fuck yourself na dleave me the hell alone.
slimzworld (10:42:24 PM): you care less about me.
slimzworld (10:42:35 PM): u never even did care probably.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:42:37 PM): i dont WANT to care anymore because i spent hours last night and the night before crying over what happened.
slimzworld (10:42:45 PM): this wh9ole thing was probably just some sick fuckin joke on your part
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:42:48 PM): and i cant handle it anymore, jon.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:43:01 PM): no, it wasnt. when i started talking to you tonight, i wanted to try and patch things up, not have you ignore me.
slimzworld (10:43:13 PM): i wasnt ignoring you
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:43:20 PM): you hadnt responded for a good chunk of time.
slimzworld (10:43:21 PM): i was taking a shit for your information
slimzworld (10:43:21 PM): shit
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:43:35 PM): you really have no idea what youve done to me, do you?
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:43:38 PM): i KNOW ive hurt you, and im sorry.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:43:43 PM): i know theres nothing i can do to change that.
slimzworld (10:43:51 PM): damn i ate chili cheese fries and a burger earlier, and carne asada, fuck. sorry that i had a massave load of shit to let loose.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:43:57 PM): but that doesnt mean i dont care about you, and i dont want you to be a part of my life.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:44:11 PM): but obviously, i dont mean enough to you to be in your life. which isnt a surprise, because it happens all the time.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:44:38 PM): so since this is what you want, im going to let go. i cant keep crying over how much it hurt when you told me you hated me. my mind and my heart just cant handle it anymore.
slimzworld (10:44:42 PM): no its kinda hard having someone in your life you just want as more
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:44:54 PM): you NEVER told me you wanted "more" with me
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:44:57 PM): youve only told me that once
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:45:04 PM): and that was right before we started dating.
slimzworld (10:45:15 PM): u never even cared.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:45:18 PM): yes, i did.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:45:28 PM): why do you think i'd IM you and try to talk to you?
slimzworld (10:45:32 PM): y are u even talking to me ?
slimzworld (10:45:35 PM): you have a fianc
slimzworld (10:45:36 PM): e
slimzworld (10:45:44 PM): stop fuckin with me.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:45:55 PM): why do you think i sat there calling you in the middle of the night when my mom would've killed me for being on the phone at 3am?
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:45:59 PM): IM NOT FUCKING WITH YOU.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:46:03 PM): i want you to try and be my friend.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:46:10 PM): but if i mean that little to you, then i guess i dont have a choice.
slimzworld (10:46:26 PM): dont think hed like that much]]
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:46:41 PM): what? being friends with you?
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:47:04 PM): i told him about the whole thing, and he has no problem with me being friends with you. the only thing that bothered him was the fact that i was crying so hard i couldnt breathe, and i made myself sick.
slimzworld (10:47:48 PM): i have nothin left to say to you. i said what i did, and it meant nothing.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:48:23 PM): jon, i do love you, with all my heart. i want you to be a part of my life. just because im romantically attached to someone else shouldnt mean that we cant be friends.
slimzworld (10:48:30 PM): now if u dont mind, im going to drink myself drunk and pass out and actually try and feel okay.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:48:34 PM): i dont understand why it doesnt even matter to you that im trying this hard.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:48:54 PM): you dont realize what youre doing to me, do you?
slimzworld (10:49:16 PM): you dont realize what your doing to me
slimzworld (10:49:19 PM): you dont give a fuck
slimzworld (10:49:30 PM): go be iwth him, you dont need me
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:49:32 PM): jon, YES I DO.
slimzworld is away at 10:49:35 PM.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:49:38 PM): jon......
Auto response from slimzworld (10:49:39 PM): one tequila
two tequila
tree tequila
floor.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:49:42 PM): FUCK.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:49:44 PM): fine, forget it.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:50:10 PM): if it makes you feel any better, the night we fought, on monday night, i cried all night.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:50:15 PM): so dont tell me i dont know how youre feeling.
slimzworld (10:50:28 PM): then come be with me.
slimzworld returned at 10:50:28 PM.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:50:55 PM): *sigh*
slimzworld (10:51:13 PM): exactly
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:51:20 PM): jon, my heart belongs to someone else. i wish i coudl get you to understand that you mean so much to me.
slimzworld (10:51:31 PM): OKAY the stop leading me on
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:51:33 PM): youre STILL the only person thats ever hurt me so badly that ive hurt myself over it.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:51:38 PM): IM NOT LEADING YOU ON!
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:51:50 PM): you are.. well, were, i guess... one of my best friends, and you mean the world to me.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:51:56 PM): but you dont want to believe that i care about you.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:52:56 PM): grrr this shit just isnt worth dealing with. im sick of relationships, im sick of friends, im sick of love. i should've killed myself when i had the chance.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:53:04 PM): nevermind, jon. if you dont want to be my friend, then fine.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:53:10 PM): if it'll make you happy, then ill leave you alone.
slimzworld (10:53:30 PM): xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:53:10 PM): nevermind, jon. if you dont want to be my friend, then fine.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:53:16 PM): if it'll make you happy, then ill leave you alone.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:53:49 PM): what do you want me to be then?!
slimzworld (10:54:04 PM): nothing. goodbye.
slimzworld (10:54:13 PM): nothing you will give me.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:54:28 PM): jon just tell me.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:54:36 PM): i dont.... i dont know what to do anymore..
slimzworld (10:54:38 PM): i did.
slimzworld (10:54:41 PM): and it meant nothing
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:55:01 PM): you want me to be with you? you want me to be in a relationship with you? right?
slimzworld (10:55:10 PM): ..
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:55:24 PM): how come you never asked before then?
slimzworld (10:55:35 PM): ...
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:56:03 PM): if you had asked me 4 months ago to be with you... i would have jumped at the chance, jon.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:56:28 PM): i loved you from the day i met you, and i finally got over it. and now you dont even want to be a part of my life. and i dont know if i can handle that.
slimzworld (10:56:38 PM): but its not 4 months ago.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:57:00 PM): i know. but you had years to tell me you wanted to be with me.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (10:57:10 PM): and i dont understand why its coming up now, and it didnt before...
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (11:00:04 PM): i dont understand why you want to be with me now, when you didnt before... i just dont know whats going through your head.. i never have.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (11:01:39 PM): :-xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (11:01:41 PM): i truly am sorry jon.
slimzworld (11:02:09 PM): ighjblbjkn;
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (11:02:17 PM): ill be hating myself for this for the rest of my life.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (11:07:18 PM): im sorry jon.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (11:11:25 PM): *sigh* forget it. youre not even paying attention to a word im saying.
posted by Jenninator 11:19 PM
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
wow, its been a month since ive written. so many things have happened since then. sheeshkers.. so uhm, chris & i had a great valentines day - i wont put all the details because its long, and im sure almost everyone has heard the story by now. lol... and a LOT of shit happened this past saturday.. =/ it was horrible. its 1:08 am as im typing this, and im getting up @ 5am to make sure chris has his sorry ass up. =P sheesh.. its been a crazy month.
i had a take-home quiz due today from over the weekend. when did jenn do it? this morning, at 8am, during his first class. the class that the quiz was for is my second class, which starts at 9:10 am. lol =P and on friday i have an essay exam in my fables & tales class, & i have my physics hw #4 due, and i have a reading response due for my american indian studies class.. and i have a couple hundred pages of reading to do, on top of practicing and preparing for my exam on friday (and thats just for my fables class!). i have lots of reading to do for my AIS class, but its pretty interesting stuff. and i think my first physics exam is next week sometime, but he hasnt told us yet, so i dunno. whatever goat cheese. =P
today was a horrid day. i just felt icky all day. i was totally stressed out during my physics lab today too, because i kept fucking up on the excel part, and since i was doing it for the whole group, it was a little nerve-wracking. but i finally got it right, so that was good. and then, after the long day, tonight was going pretty well.. chris & i had a nice, normal conversation, we were being happy.. he wrote me a sappy email today... lol and he went to bed around 11pm, and ive been up ever since.
and jon and i had been talking since a little before midnight... and that turned sour very quickly. =/ im sad to say that i love the boy to death, he's always been one of the most important people to me, and now he probably hates me. i wish he didnt. im going to paste the conversation into this journal entry in a few minutes.. i guess it's going to be more of a reminder for me about a time when i lost a good friend of mine. i just got so confused with him sometimes. ive known him since i was, what? 13? 14? and since then we've tried dating, & it just didnt work.. and i was completely in love with the boy for a really long time, but everytime i tried to talk to him about that sort of thing, we ended up fighting, or he just "didnt feel like that" (at least thats the impression he gave)... and it just started to hurt so badly that making myself bleed wasnt helping anymore. i couldnt take losing not only the only guy i loved AND trusted, but also one of my closest friends. so when the bleeding stopped helping me feel better, i started moving on. i started to force myself to not think about him, to let myself fall for other people, and i eventually convinced myself that we were better off as friends and i learned to accept the fact that an "us" thing between jon & i would never really work out. and now this happens... im absolutely in love with chris; we're happy.. yet jon & i have this conversation/argument tonight, and now he hates me. i really do love jon, i always will. and it breaks my heart to know that ive hurt him. i never meant to hurt him. i dont understand how i hurt him so badly though. i dont understand if that was his way of telling me he had feelings for me, or he wanted to be in a relationship with me, or what.. it just didnt make any sense. i just never wanted to hurt him. he really does mean the world to me; he's been one of the only people thats stuck by my side, even after all the horrible things ive said (and done) to him. and now he hates me. =/ *sigh* sometimes i wish i could turn back the clock and start over from where it really started going bad. it started getting shaky when he broke up with me for personal reasons - he needed to get his own life and shit together, and i understood that.. but it got really bad when i started dating keanan and he decided he was ready to come back to me at the same time... =/ i really am sorry for the things i said to him that hurt him. i never meant to hurt him. i just... i mean, even though i dont necessarily feel the same way now, all i ever wanted from jon was for him to love me. and i feel, now, like he either never did, or he always did, and just didnt want to tell me. im confused. the only thing i can say right now is that im sorry. and that no matter what jon thinks, i really do care about him... ive just finally decided to give my heart to someone else..
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:11:37 AM): i dunno.. i get your ex's mixed up
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:11:43 AM): the only one i remember well is me. lol
slimzworld (12:12:18 AM): your the only one who doesnt wanna be with me
slimzworld (12:12:22 AM): and doesnt wanna have sex with me.
slimzworld (12:12:23 AM): sucks.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:12:49 AM): well i accepted the fact that you didnt want me a long time ago
slimzworld (12:12:52 AM): really wanna be inside you too. so that sucks even more.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:13:07 AM): hell i would've had sex with you up until the day i got with my fiance
slimzworld (12:13:44 AM): whats he gotta do with us.
slimzworld (12:13:46 AM): sheit
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:14:12 AM): you mean besides the fact that i dont wanna cheat on him &/or hurt him?
slimzworld (12:14:46 AM): eh, no not that.
slimzworld (12:14:48 AM): that means shit.
slimzworld (12:15:02 AM): because either way, i know if i saw you and you saw me, you'd let me fuck you.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:15:24 AM): i doubt it
slimzworld (12:15:37 AM): naw, you know it. you just wanna doubt it, because you know deep inside its true.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:15:52 AM): honestly, it took me a really, really long time to get over you, but i finally did it..
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:16:13 AM): i love you to death, but i got to the point where i know nothing's gonna happen between us, & im fine with it, because i think we've always been better off as friends
slimzworld (12:17:37 AM): thats fucked up.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:18:19 AM): jon, i was crazy about you for i dont know how many years
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:18:35 AM): i just didnt want to be waiting for something that wasnt going to happen, so i just moved on
slimzworld (12:18:35 AM): then why you gonna treat me like this and just throw that all away>
slimzworld (12:18:40 AM): make me feel like i always been nothin
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:18:50 AM): jon, you were everything to me for a long time
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:19:07 AM): but then we started fighting all the time, you started dating different people, & i kind of felt left in the dust..
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:21:14 AM): so i wanted to keep the relationship @ being friends, so i wouldnt lose you from my life completely, & i started moving on
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:21:20 AM): and im pretty sure youve moved on too
slimzworld (12:22:01 AM): k...
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:22:19 AM): ...what does that mean?
slimzworld (12:22:38 AM): i dont fuckin know, you just hella hurt me right now and really dont wnana talk to you.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:22:59 AM): :-\ im sorry jon.. i didnt mean to do that.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:23:33 AM): i love you more than anything, & you honestly are one of the most important people to me.. it just hurt too much to wait for you when i thought nothing was going to happen between us again
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:24:00 AM): i want to know, honestly, do you really think we could have ever worked it out?
slimzworld (12:24:16 AM): yeah...
slimzworld (12:24:18 AM): definately.
slimzworld (12:24:19 AM): well not now
slimzworld (12:24:26 AM): obviously i mean alot less to you than i thought.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:26:11 AM): jon, you really dont. you still mean the world to me.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:26:39 AM): i mean, geez, the other night when the boytoy and i got into a fight, i sat there with the elephant that matches the one i sent you a long time ago until i fell asleep
slimzworld (12:27:03 AM): you dont even care.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:27:19 AM): jon, yes i do..
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:27:23 AM): i just dont know what you want to hear from me.
slimzworld (12:28:35 AM): you said enough
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:28:45 AM): *sigh*
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:28:48 AM): i really am sorry jon.
slimzworld (12:29:00 AM): dont be, im sorry i ever thought you were different.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:29:10 AM): whats that supposed to mean?
slimzworld (12:29:20 AM): nothin
slimzworld (12:29:22 AM): just fuck it
slimzworld (12:29:25 AM): you already proved me wrong
slimzworld (12:29:27 AM): bye.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:29:29 AM): jon please dont do this
slimzworld is away at 12:29:37 AM.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:29:53 AM): *sigh*
Auto response from slimzworld (12:29:53 AM): fuck it.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:30:04 AM): im sorry i ever came into your life, jon.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:30:11 AM): i know ive just been nothing but a fucking problem for you.
slimzworld (12:32:11 AM): look im sorry.
slimzworld returned at 12:32:11 AM.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:32:27 AM): i just dont want you to hate me.
slimzworld (12:32:39 AM): kinda late....
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:32:46 AM): i feel like ever since we broke up thats the only thing youve ever felt towards me. thats why i tried to move on, jon.. i really thought you hated me.
slimzworld (12:33:33 AM): what does it matter how i feel
slimzworld (12:33:39 AM): you have someone else who you wanna be with
slimzworld (12:33:40 AM): im nothing
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:33:54 AM): jon, you arent nothing.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:34:16 AM): ive always thought of you as one of the only people i could trust. youve always been one of the most important people in my life.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:34:48 AM): besides, jon, i never even thought that youd ever want to be with me after what happened between us. it didnt seem like it mattered to you anymore...
slimzworld (12:38:21 AM): u dont even care.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:38:43 AM): jon, yes i do.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:38:54 AM): i dont know how many times i can say it, but i truly do.
slimzworld (12:38:54 AM): you haev your car yet ?
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:39:00 AM): you have no idea how much i care about you
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:39:01 AM): yes...
slimzworld (12:39:05 AM): then drive down here.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:39:13 AM): jon, i cant just leave.
slimzworld (12:39:17 AM): yes you can.
slimzworld (12:39:21 AM): just drive down here.
slimzworld (12:39:30 AM): if you mean/meant anything you say, you would.
slimzworld (12:39:44 AM): its an 8 hr drive. you could make it.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:40:43 AM): i know i could.. but explaining that to my mother? and just leaving? what would happen once i got down there? we'd probably just be arguing again...... :-slimzworld (12:41:06 AM): if you cared, why would we.
slimzworld (12:41:12 AM): you could tell her your going to a friends
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:41:46 AM): jon, i DO care, and look at us... we're arguing now. you just told me a few minutes ago that you hated me.
slimzworld (12:42:00 AM): because your hurting me
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:42:32 AM): you think this doesnt hurt me?.......
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:43:11 AM): i genuinely dont understand how im hurting you... i mean, i can understand how some of the things i said can hurt... but what's making it hurt so much? i was under the impression that i didnt mean very much to you anymore...
slimzworld (12:43:47 AM): nhji;bgoulvhyy;i
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:44:08 AM): ......what?
slimzworld (12:44:12 AM): ucdtgio;bjkhjkhjklnhkl;j'
slimzworld (12:44:31 AM): uuijuuimhju8 068 0 87 0 8/
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:44:34 AM): :-slimzworld (12:44:42 AM): fvkjgghjkkhkhjkl;hjkhhjgvk
slimzworld (12:44:46 AM): this sucks.
slimzworld (12:44:50 AM): i hate my life.
slimzworld (12:44:59 AM): you said youd do anything for me
slimzworld (12:45:03 AM): you said youd always be there.
slimzworld (12:45:08 AM): and now, you wont even come be with me.
slimzworld (12:45:36 AM): dklgjas'lgjasldgkasl;g
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:45:40 AM): jon, i would do anything, and im always going to be here.. but you cant ask me to leave in the middle of the night and come be with you...
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:45:50 AM): and what do you mean by "come be with me"?
slimzworld (12:45:54 AM): leave in the morning.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:47:28 AM): i cant, jon..
slimzworld (12:47:52 AM): then i guess nothing sure ends short.
slimzworld (12:47:59 AM): anything*
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:49:09 AM): jon.. i cant just leave my parents and my friends and my fiance.. i would love to be there for you every second of every day.. but i dont understand what you want from me, nor what you mean by "come be with me"..
slimzworld (12:49:56 AM): i guess im nothing.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:50:12 AM): jon, you mean so much to me.. you dont understand..
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:50:20 AM): i just.. jon, i really dont understand what you want from me.
slimzworld (12:52:54 AM): just fuck it.
slimzworld (12:52:57 AM): fuck everything
slimzworld (12:53:02 AM): forget i ever existed.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:53:08 AM): jon please dont do this
slimzworld (12:53:26 AM): no. it needs to be done.
slimzworld (12:53:31 AM): its what you want.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:53:33 AM): jon, the last thing i want is for you to just drop out of my life.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:54:18 AM): i just wish i could make you understand that i cant leave... and i wish you could see that you really do mean the world to me. youre one of my closest friends...
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:54:32 AM): well... if you stick with your decision, i guess that would change to you were..
slimzworld (12:55:21 AM): (12:54:46 AM): Your dick is too big too
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:55:40 AM): .......what?
slimzworld (12:56:14 AM): they were talking about me
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:57:25 AM): oh..
slimzworld (12:57:45 AM): this sucks.
slimzworld (12:57:49 AM): thought youd atleast come down here
slimzworld (12:57:55 AM): we could go to the cornado beach
slimzworld (12:58:02 AM): and just walk and talk
slimzworld (12:58:08 AM): hold eachother to keep warm
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (12:58:47 AM): :-xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:00:11 AM): im sorry jon. i really am.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:02:38 AM): jon......?
slimzworld (1:02:58 AM): what.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:03:17 AM): whats on your mind?
slimzworld (1:03:36 AM): nohin
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:04:38 AM): blah. i hate it when you get pissed off at me...
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:06:41 AM): ..........how come youre not talking to me..?
slimzworld (1:07:00 AM): what do ou want me to say.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:07:23 AM): what youre thinking about, how youre feeling.. i want to know why this came up all of a sudden.
slimzworld (1:08:22 AM): just fuck it.
slimzworld (1:08:24 AM): forget it.
slimzworld (1:08:25 AM): forget me.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:08:37 AM): i dont want to jon.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:09:23 AM): you confuse me... its been like this since ive known you.. i sit there & wait & you find someone new, then i move on, & we fight over something like this.. i never knew when you had feeligns for me & when you didnt.. & now that ive moved on.. i still dont know what youre feeling.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:11:45 AM): jon.... please just tell me what youre feeling/thinking.
slimzworld (1:12:31 AM): dont wanna tal anymore
slimzworld (1:12:33 AM): going tosleep
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:12:41 AM): please jon....
slimzworld (1:12:50 AM): sorry i ever even bothered you. have a good marraige or whatever the fuck you want thats so much better tahn me.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:12:57 AM): jon!
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:12:59 AM): its not that.
slimzworld is away at 1:13:02 AM.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:13:11 AM): jon, i told you. i thought you hated me. i thought you wanted nothing to do with me.
Auto response from slimzworld (1:13:11 AM): sleep.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:13:35 AM): i got over the time when you used to tell me you loved me. i didnt know what to do, so i just moved on, like you did. or like i thought you did.
Auto response from slimzworld (1:13:35 AM): drink some beers, and pass out.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:13:39 AM): :-xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:13:44 AM): ....im sorry jon. :'(
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:15:40 AM): i know, i know. i need to just shut up. im sorry i cant ever do anything right to you.
Auto response from slimzworld (1:15:40 AM): drink some beers, and pass out.
xWiNgEdxVaMpYrEx (1:15:51 AM): good night, jon.
i hope jon actually read this.
posted by Jenninator 1:33 AM
Sunday, February 01, 2004
so, its superbowl sunday.... AND THE FLIPPIN PATRIOTS WON!! poor kitties =*( it makes me sad when kitties lose.. like in that damned movie "cats and dogs"!!! raahhhh! so.. uhhmm.. lets see how my week has been.
last week was my first week of school. my classes seem kool.. most of my professors are gonna be fun. my prof for my american indian studies class is really awesome, very into what shes talking about since shes native american herself, & she looks like a tall version of ms klatt! (for all you logan grads.. lol) my philosophy prof is kinda.. uhhmm... BORING. lol i mean, he has somewhat of a sense of humor, but hes old and talks kinda slow and makes.. i dunno. he kinda talks to us like we're stupid, almost. but yeh. my physics lecture prof is AWESOME! i totally love him, simply because hes just a nice guy. his name's ilkka (yes, thats his first name. he wants us to call him that.), hes pretty young too, maybe in his early 30's. hes kool. pretty funny, too! and then my prof for my fables & tales class... JESUS CHRIST! she was using the laptop to show us stuff with the projector and she kept RIGHT-CLICKING everything and it was driving me insane and i wanted to kick her!!!! lol.. but shes a nice woman, and its really obvious that she really enjoys fairy tales and all those things.. and so do i, so its going to be an awesome class. the first book we're reading.. well i should say the first collection of stories we're reading is the lais of marie de france.. and yeh. AWESOME! i love those stories!! they so totally rock. =) hehehe.. and yeh.. uhhm, my first time in my physics lab is tomorrow.. for THREE FREAKIN HOURS!!! i dont get outta class tomorrow until like 4.. =/ oh well.
so friday went well.. i went out and visited chris, as i always do on friday evenings.. =) we had a good time. *wink wink nudge nudge* lol no seriously, it was just a good night. i love spending time with him.. and then saturday he came out & my dad, tracy, chris & i went out to see "along came polly" and hang out and stuff.. that movie was AWESOME. lol that poor ferret!!!! =( and yeh.. today chris came out to visit me & go to my dad's superbowl thingy that he had.. and GINA MADE HER CHICKEN!!! *num num num num* teehee!
bad things happened. i dont wanna mention them because they really upset me. it has nothing to do with chris or anything though. it has to do with andy. =/ i miss the kid, & i hope he starts feeling a little better. i love you kiddo! *smooches*
posted by Jenninator 9:01 PM
Thursday, January 29, 2004
so, yesterday was chris & i's two months... =D i honestly havent felt this good in a really long time.. its nice to know that someone loves me no matter what. lol the e-card i sent him had this cute little crab sitting in the middle all grumpy & stuff.. & then from the right side of the screen this happy little one comes & scurries over to the grumpy one.. & sits next to it.. & a little heart floats up and the grumpy one is happy.. and then it says "thanks for loving me even when im crabby" on the bottom.. totally me & him, i swear. it was hella cute. lol =P so yeh.. im happy. its nice. i enjoy it. yeh, we were having a few problems a little bit ago, but we talked them out and they're fixing themselves.. its good. i think this is probably the healthiest relationship ive ever been in. sad, isnt it? lol i have no idea what im gonna do when he goes away for his externship (he should stay @ the academy *crosses her fingers*)... last night he asked me to bring one of my silver chains with me to his place when i went over tomorrow.. he said he was going to give me something that would make me think of him all the time.. and now im scared. lol he wont tell me what it is..
so today was a good day, for the most part. jo spent the night with me last night & we got up this morning & i got my books from UPS FINALLYYYYY, and then we went out to stoneridge to shop. i finished up chris' valentines gift after much fuss and hassle and hunting.. and OH do i love it. lol =D i think he'll like it do... man, its gonna be a good valentines day for once, i think. last year was the only one ive ever enjoyed, honestly. and that was cuz jo was awesome. =D lol shes a fun valentine, but im spending this one with m'love (sorry jo.. lol).. okay, im off.
love you all!
posted by Jenninator 8:02 PM
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
4.761904761904762% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?
I AM NOT A NERD!!! WOOOO!!! I HAD NOOOO IDEA WHAT HALF OF THE QUESTIONS WERE TALKING ABOUT. SERIOUSLY. I FELT LIKE A LOSER. but then i realized, hey, its worse to know all the answers. lol =P
Nemesis
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
RAHHHH!!! feel the jenninators WRATH!!! lol
posted by Jenninator 5:17 PM
|
 |
this girl should scare you! 